What do you go home to?
by blueoceannymph789
Summary: One day of spring, when the cherry trees are fully blossomed, Byakuya mourns for his wife and threatens to fire Renji... They realise that losing each other won't make things better. But it needs courage to admit it... especially on a day like this.
1. Anger and Shame

**Hello everyone! This is a little story with main characters Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji and I warn you it's _shounen ai_, meaning there is romance between these two -male- characters!**

**Hope you enjoy it ^_^**

**I do not own Bleach!**

* * *

><p>"<strong>What do you go home to?"<strong>

**Chapter 1: Anger and Shame**

It was snowing pink and white cherry-blossom petals turning everything into an airy dream with the translucent shades of all colours floating over the clear sky. The shadow flickering caused by the hundreds of petals made the noble Shinigami drowsy as he stared at spring blooming in the gardens of his manor.

A mirror glittered where the pond with the well-fed _koi_ fish was, ripples rushed over the new-born grass as a breeze flowed above it creating the illusion of a green sea. Birds flew into and away from the bright pink trees flying into circles and in pairs filling the air with their love.

The black-haired man sat cross-legged at the wooden veranda standing on higher ground than the gardens with the bitter aroma of his tea filling his nostrils. He took a sip and, after sensing that no one was in ear's reach, heaved with a silent sigh.

Today was the day his beloved wife had died…

Kuchiki Byakuya placed the cup of tea beside him and let his eyelids close shutting him off of everything that occurred around him…

He saw her deep purple eyes smiling at him and making his heart beat so fast it felt like bursting out of his chest, and his skin shiver with a torrent of goose bumps when she'd touch him absent-mindedly. Kuchiki Hisana always had a way to make him feel so aroused and enthralled, though most of the times it was unintentional. She always smiled innocently and there were never any deeper intensions behind her actions. Maybe that was what had drawn Byakuya to her; this purity of hers, her simple yet magical way of dealing with things and her innocence when she commuted with society.

Being a Shinigami and having grown up surrounded by them, Byakuya had learnt to see beneath the surface from a young age. He was taught that nothing happened without a reason and there were always hidden intensions. Byakuya learnt to read between the lines in order to distinguish lies and treasons, conspiracies and threats. Being suspicious of everyone and everything kept him from getting hurt and, above all, tainting and endangering his family's name.

Until he met Kuchiki Hisana, a lost soul wandering around Inuzuri district in the south of Rukongai, who taught him to seek pleasure and happiness in the simplest things…

But now she was long gone, letting some of her purity and beauty appear along with the cherry-blossoms each spring. And on this day every year, he'd give himself the freedom to think of her without guilt…

Byakuya opened his eyes noticing that he was rubbing his fingertips on his palm, something that he did every time he felt angry. He furrowed his thin brows realizing his true feelings and was surprised, since he'd only feel sad, heartsick and vulnerable this day of the year. But anger; he hadn't felt it since the day she had died in this very manor…

But, fortunately, one of his treats was his ability to control any kind of emotion that would overflow him.

Byakuya stood up and headed towards his private rooms where his white _haori_ was neatly folded on a shelf and his Zanpakuto was placed on the wall protected in a black sheath.

At his office, Byakuya was not surprised not to find his lieutenant there.

Besides it was still morning, though Byakuya felt like being up for an entire day already. He couldn't sleep till late and so was one of the first to wake up, even before the maids.

Closing the door behind him, the captain of 6th Division walked over his desk placing his katana on a stand for this use he had by the wall under a big window. The soft flow of his Zanpakuto's soul's energy filled him for a split moment when he touched the light purple handle. Senbonzakura's warmth calmed him and he began his work in silence.

But, as he was filling in reports his lieutenant had left behind for over a month and organizing the selection of new officers that would take place the following week, Byakuya caught himself simmering and glaring at nobody. His mind was stuck on the times he had arguments with Hisana, something that was mostly caused by the elder members of the Kuchiki family who insisted that having a non-noble in the family would only bring misfortune. Yet even in those moments, Hisana was unable to show any bad emotion on her face- or just able to keep them only on the inside. Sometimes this made Byakuya mad. But he'd never show it. He'd just keep quiet and talk through things as he had learnt to.

It was a little before midday when his crimson-haired lieutenant finally showed up, earning him an ice cold glare from the captain.

Abarai Renji paused at the door meeting the noble's metal grey glare.

He chuckled nervously.

"Ehm, good morning taicho!" the tall, broad-shouldered man walked to his office placing his katana clumsily on the desk.

"I believe it's past the time to wish someone good morning!" he said with his casual, emotionless tone.

Renji flinched with the obvious sarcasm directed to his absent punctuality.

"Ah, yeah, I'm… sorry!" Renji rubbed the back of his neck and walked over to his captain standing in front of his desk. The dark-haired man didn't even glance at him as he spoke.

"What is it?"

Byakuya noticed the anxiety in the man's posture the way he clenched his right fist, as if holding tight on his katana, and his straightened back.

"I apologize for being late, taicho! You see… it was Yasutora's birthday yesterday and the guys, they prepared this surprise party for him, so…"

Byakuya stopped his work and finally looked up into the lieutenant's chocolate brown eyes feeling this wave of anger inside of him increasing with every minute. And his lieutenant's irresponsible ways only made it worse.

"I never requested an explanation for your being late, Abarai." He said not taking his eyes off his.

Renji's gaze flickered as he was being observed so closely by his captain, who would usually avoid long eye contact. His fingers grabbed the sides of his _hakama_.

"I'm sorry, I… thought I ought to explain myself. But…" Renji bowed at his captain. "I promise it won't happen again, Kuchiki-taicho!" he announced formally and waited there hunched for his captain to excuse him.

But Byakuya simply stared at him. How his tribal tattoos covered his forehead and even popped out of the collar of his _kosode_, how some red strands fell over the bandana with flowery pattern and how long his eyelashes were as he blinked looking down.

Byakuya furrowed his brows.

"No problem. Just finish with your work which is over a month old now. You have some catching up to do." He said, and after meeting Renji's surprised look did he realize that his voice had sounded softer than usual.

A pink blush appeared over the crimson-haired man's face who quickly turned around to hide it.

"Hai, taicho! Thank you… taicho!" Renji said and sat behind his desk avoiding eye contact with his captain.

Renji bit his lower lip as he tried to remember the details of a one month old mission and leaned on his elbow gazing at the blossomed pink trees outside the window. He watched petals floating in the air disappearing up in the sky and heard the lively song of birds. But not a glimpse of that mission came into his mind. He couldn't concentrate as his head was swirling from last night's booze.

He should have guessed something like this would happen the moment he heard Matsumoto, 10th Division's lieutenant, was invited. So now, here he was with a terrible headache and the strongest desire to go and take the longest nap under the spring's breeze.

He glanced down at the empty report. He couldn't even remember the aim of that mission, let alone the date. Maybe he could just do the math, write down the date of one month ago and ask any of the other seated Shinigami if they had a clue.

Renji sighed and brushed a palm over his face pulling down the bandana. Strands fell over his eyes while his head felt as heavy as a gigantic boulder over his shoulders. He took his hair tie off and at once felt lighter taking off the tightness of his high ponytail. Leaning back on his chair he shut his eyes and groaned tiredly forgetting where he was and who was staring at him.

Regretting for drinking so much last night, Renji brushed all of his fingers through his long, straight hair and felt like falling asleep at the very place when he was snapped out by his captain's sharp and deep voice.

"Go away, Abarai!"

Renji flinched and raised his brows as he looked at his captain focusing on his paperwork.

"Huh?"

Byakuya didn't raise his head as he glanced at him.

"You come late, you try to make excuses and then you're ready to fall asleep right in front of your captain. I said go away before I add your name on the reclassification's list!"

Renji quickly tied his hair up and walked over to his captain's desk straightening his back with difficulty.

"I'm very very sorry, taicho! I lost track, forgive me! Three cups of tea and I'll be back to normal, taicho! Sor-!"

"Renji, get out, get some rest and return tomorrow on time!" Renji flinched with the obvious cold and hostile tone of the noble's voice not attempting to hide his disappointment.

His captain rarely showed his true emotions and so witnessing this hostility directed towards him pierced his chest like a million blades. He lowered his eyes furrowing his brows and exhaled loudly.

He wanted to apologize again and again feeling deeply ashamed for acting so irresponsibly. It would have been better if he had arrived an hour later than acting this way in front of him. As a result, he mentally slapped himself a thousand times until he actually felt his cheeks burn and bowed deeply at his captain, hoping he'd read the shame he was carrying.

The last thing he wanted was to be taken from his seat beside the head of the Kuchiki clan…

Renji was walking over a pebbly road under the beautiful cherry-blossom trees with his eyes lowered ever since he left the office. He wanted to bang his head on a wall and crack it open from this wave of shame that ate him.

This feeling was so intense it had replaced the headache from his hangover and cursed himself under his breath.

"Dammit! Damn _sake_, damn beers, damn parties!" he walked heavily with his grip tight around the dark red sheath of his katana.

When he found himself far outside the barracks of 6ht Division he halted and shouted at the sky.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot!"

Some passing by Shinigami stopped in their tracks and looked at him with worried frowns.

"What's _your_ problem?" he growled at them. The men exchanged glances and left staring at the crimson-haired angry man.

Renji considered of heading back, but he knew that his captain would just kick him out the hard way, and that would only worsen the state he was stuck into at the moment. In no time, his name would be added in the reclassification's list, one where names were suggested from Shinigami newly graduated from the academy and names of seated who'd be promoted- or not- and removed.

If his name were added, it would only mean that he'd be removed from the seat of lieutenant, since there was no way up in the ranks. Renji gritted his teeth and continued walking as far away from the barracks as possible until he could no longer sense the noble's irritating _reiatsu._

It was past midday and the sunrays had become hot against his skin when Renji found his best friend under the shade of a blossomed tree on Mount Koifushi in the west of Rukongai.

Kuchiki Rukia was resting against the tree's truck while a breeze caused some black strands to caress her pale forehead. She looked so small against the big tree.

Renji smiled as he crept closer trying to restrain his spiritual flow. He hid behind the tree and held still not wanting to wake the petite Shinigami. The moment he attempted to grab her shoulders and scare her, he froze when he heard her sharp voice.

"Don't even dare doing it!"

Renji gapped.

"Dammit!" he muttered.

Rukia looked at him over her shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with that constant frown shadowing her purple eyes.

Renji crawled beside her and pushed her to lean against the tree's trunk as well.

"Nii-sama kicked you out?" she asked.

Renji simply nodded.

"You deserved it!" she chuckled relaxing that frown on her small forehead.

Renji clicked his tongue.

"Shuddup! I'm already feeling bad as it is! Don't rub that wound!"

Rukia punched his forearm teasingly.

"Let him be! If you ever make him mad I'll kick your ass! Especially on a day like this…" she muttered the last sentence with a grief tone drawing Renji's attention.

"And what day might that be?"

Rukia smiled sadly as her eyes wandered over the hill filled with clouds of pink blossoms.

"The day Nii-sama is not himself!"

Renji furrowed his brows in question.

"When is _Nii-sama_ not his self?"

He suddenly remembered the hostile tone in his captain's voice when he ordered him to leave and how he had never actually seen him so filled with emotions. Being used to that man's stoic face, having seen that irritation and anger towards him made it all much worse. Because it meant that either Renji had really done something beyond forgiveness, or, like Rukia implied, something was wrong with the always-in-control Kuchiki Byakuya.

Renji blinked many times wondering what the captain was doing at the moment.

"What-" Renji began, but Rukia cut him short.

"I'm sure you can think yourself what's going on!" she said coldly and stood up with a light jump. "And don't treat Nii-sama as if he's a statue or something. He's a soul like you, like me, like anyone. Behind that mask of a Division's captain and a clan's head, he's also a _human_ soul!" and turned his back at him disappearing from his view with flash steps. Renji sighed angrily punching the ground beside him.

And then he remembered what each coming of the spring brought and what made both Kuchiki-taicho and Rukia so gloomy and short-tempered along with it…

Wondering if indeed that was possible, Renji felt even more ashamed for forgetting that today was the day Rukia's older sister and Kuchiki-taicho's wife had died and sank in his own pitiful world cursing himself and his irresponsibility over and over again until he felt exhausted and until he felt that he had paid back even a hint of the disrespect he had showed not only to Rukia and Kuchiki-taicho, but to Kuchiki Hisana as well…

At lunch break, Byakuya leaned back on his chair glancing at the opposite empty desk for the millionth time in a few hours. He diverted his grey gaze away trying hard to shove away all those troublesome thoughts he had been having about this crimson-haired man. Even though it was _this_ day of the year, he suddenly found himself thinking of Abarai Renji of all people…

Byakuya grabbed the corner of his desk tight while his energy flowed towards it subconsciously until he flinched hearing the cracking sound of wood breaking into pieces.

"Hmm!" he mumbled noticing what he had done and scolded himself for being unable to control his feelings today effectively. With a sigh he stood up and decided to take a stroll in the gardens to take his mind off that man.

The morning breeze had subsided causing all those floating pink petals to follow the force of gravity and create a soft blanket over the grass and roads.

Byakuya saw the image of Hisana sitting by that pond with the _koi_ fish as a baby-pink petal was resting on her jet black hair like a feather. He remembered the smile she had given him when she had felt his fingers on her head taking the blossom away and handing it to her. He had felt peace…

"Nii-sama!" he turned to see his adopted sister giving him a genuine smile. Byakuya kept his eyes on her a little longer than usual observing the resemblance she held with her sister, yet the so different personality and air she gave out.

"Rukia." He looked back at the gardens.

"I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me! If Nii-sama has time of course! I-I wouldn't want to you to waste any of your precious time with me!" she grinned stuttering as she did every time she addressed him.

Byakuya didn't look at her as he replied.

"I'd love to!"

Rukia was taken aback gapping when he looked at her from the corners of his eyes causing her to flinch.

"Eh, perfect! Thank you! Though… I must warn you that my cooking is not the best!" she chuckled scratching the back of her head nervously.

Byakuya's lips curved creating the illusion of a smile, though it looked more like a smirk, but Rukia had learnt to notice when he was smiling.

She smiled wide and together they headed to the Kuchiki manor.

Byakuya had insisted that he'd cook, sending the maids away and preparing a quick, but wealthy meal in no time in front of a dumbfounded Rukia.

They placed the meal on a low table by the veranda and prepared some green tea.

"Ah, this is so beautiful!" Rukia clasped her palms together as her eyes sparkled watching over the numerous dishes Byakuya had prepared.

The dark-haired man motioned Rukia to sit and he followed.

In the meantime, Renji had just woken up from a nap under the cherry-blossom tree finding himself literally covered with pink petals. He brushed them away and was shocked to even find some underneath his uniform.

He took off his _kosode_ to get rid of the tickling petals. With a sigh he rubbed his lower jaw hearing his captain's cold and hostile voice again and again bringing back the anger and shame he felt towards himself.

"Then do something!" he growled at himself causing some birds from a nearby tree to fly away with fear.

Renji put on his uniform again and decided to go back to the office and convince his captain of his worth in the Division, though feeling anything but confident as he rushed back to Seireitei with flash steps. As a result his speed decreased until he was dragging his feet the moment he passed through the West Gate and headed towards the barracks of 6th Division.

To his relief, Kuchiki-taicho was not in the office, yet Renji froze in his tracks letting his captain's intense print of _reiatsu_ overflowing all his senses, surprisingly calming him down even though just the thought of him all this time had agitated him so much.

Renji had learnt since his childhood years in Rukongai to tolerate all kinds of emotions, were it anger, depression, hatred or irritation. But the one feeling he could not stand was shame. It tore him apart to realize that he had showed disrespect, especially towards people who he knew were leagues superior to him. Just like Kuchiki-taicho was…

Because he was the man he wanted to surpass and admired at the same time.

Kuchiki Byakuya was the only Shinigami that had made such a great impact on him from the first time he had laid eyes on him. He couldn't determine if it was his comfortably tickling yet amazingly sharp warmth of his _reiatsu_, or the strength of his metal grey eyes. If it was his stoic posture and emotionless but commanding depth of his voice or the elegant features of his face and body. All he knew was just the presence of that man made Renji feel so small and weak, but filled him with the confidence to fight harder and harder in order to become like him.

Renji touched his back on the shut door and slid down collapsing on the floor with a groan of desperation.


	2. Black and Crimson

"**What do you go home to?"**

**Chapter 2: Black and Crimson**

The sun was hanging lower in the sky permitting a little breeze to refresh Seireitei and boost the colourful butterflies' speed as they flew nonchalantly from one flower onto the other as if competing with each other about who would touch the most flowers until sundown.

Along with the butterflies pink petals would swirl every once in a while like nymphs awakening to greet spring.

Rukia blew loudly filling her cheeks with air and patting her stomach.

"Ah, I won't be able to walk over to the 13th Division's barracks with this stomach! Wow, I'm so full!" she chuckled and leaned backwards against the wall looking over the gardens.

Byakuya chuckled softly sipping his green tea.

"Hmm, you ate for three people. It would only be logical!" he said in a low tone.

Rukia grinned while a blush coloured her pale face.

"Well, you cook amazingly good! I couldn't resist Nii-sama's splendid food!"

"Enough with the adjectives!" Byakuya said sounding a little strict, but Rukia only smiled.

"Next time we could invite Renji as well!" Rukia brushed a strand from her face behind her ear.

Byakuya cupped his tea with his both hands as his eyes followed one specific butterfly with red dots on its wings.

"He would definitely like your cooking!" the petite Shinigami added.

They fell silent. Byakuya listened to the birds singing and the breeze caused his silk scarf to dance around his shoulders. A chill run down his spine as, for some reason, he remembered his lieutenant's hurt expression the moment he had ordered him to leave. There had been this frown and this glimpse in his chocolate brown slated eyes that had made his heart sink inside his chest. He had been harsh, but he had also grown impatient.

The way the crimson-haired man had lost track of time and place while Byakuya was trying to focus on his work had distracted him in the most hideous way. In a way Byakuya found himself unable to take his eyes off of him; his long, straight hair with the glance of fire in them, his rough and long fingers brushing through them and his shut eyelids flickering as he leaned backwards revealing a firm neck with an exposed Adam's apple…

Byakuya bit the inner of his lower lip and narrowed his eyes reminding himself what day today was.

"Don't get mad with him, it's just who he is." Rukia said.

Byakuya wondered if she had seen something on his face he hadn't succeeded in hiding.

"It's not him I'm mad with…" he said in an undertone drawing Rukia's attention as he continued gazing at the gardens.

Some moments later, Byakuya headed back to his office and, as he walked through the door, came upon an intense print of his lieutenant's _reiatsu_.

Byakuya froze in his tracks feeling suddenly his legs made of rubber as he stood there holding the door with his one hand in order not to collapse. Everything around him disappeared for a split moment which though felt like hours, in which he was enraptured by this torrent of burning flames warming him up from the inside out and protecting him from the anger and the sadness he had felt earlier. It was so soothing and calming, but also invigorating the way that crimson-haired man's _reiatsu_ felt like the first breath after the longest dive.

Byakuya was breathing heavily, limping towards his desk not trusting his balance to sink into his chair. Sweat drops tickled him on his temples.

He actually wanted to slap himself for letting himself react _this_ way to _those_ feelings, especially on a day like this. It was the greatest disrespect he could show to the woman that had taught him the simple pleasures of life and the importance of having someone who cares about you and care about.

Byakuya straightened his back and wiped his sweat with a handkerchief he had in the inner pocket of his _hakama_.

With quick glances around, just to make sure he was alone, Byakuya let a sigh of mixed feelings, mostly shame and embarrassment, escape his lips and continued with his work.

Renji, at the same time, was sighing with every second step he made as he approached the Kuchiki manor. He was greeted by a Shinigami who was attending the gardens.

"Hi, is Kuchiki-taicho here?" Renji asked.

The short man shook his head.

"No, he left only moments ago. He had lunch with Kuchiki-san of 13th Division." The man replied with a sincere smile.

Renji furrowed his brows.

"Rukia was here?"

"Yes. She told me that Kuchiki-sama himself cooked! I've always wanted to get a taste of his cooking. They say it's one of a kind!" the man's grin made Renji feel uneasy.

"Aha thanks!" he nodded and walked away letting his senses fill up with that faint trail of his captain's _reiatsu_ proving his being here recently.

He cursed under his breath for missing him for such a short time. But as he walked through the gardens his eyes fell on the reflection of the sunrays over the pond beneath a bright pink cherry-blossom tree. Renji didn't pay attention to the gardener who was observing him, but instead walked over the pond and leaned to take a better look at the white and golden _koi_ fish swimming energetically in the crystal water while pink petals floated over the glowing surface.

Renji frowned as he met his reflection and sighed absent-mindedly.

An image of his captain popped into his mind; it was a couple of years ago the very same day, and Kuchiki-taicho had appeared in the office later than Renji with a bouquet of all kinds of flowers in his hands. And that day Renji had noticed that behind that expressionless face of his lingered a shadow of grief. Having to cope with a captain who rarely showed his true emotions, Renji had learnt to read every single hint of emotion on the noble's face.

Just the slightest curve of both his lips' curves was interpreted as a smile, while the slightest twitch of his fingers would mean irritation or surprise. Sometimes Renji was able to see something revealing Kuchiki-taicho's inner thoughts through his eyes, but the noble never kept long eye contact, especially with him. It was as if the black-haired man showed this way the difference in their league; he was the head of a noble Shinigami clan, while Renji was just a former-beggar from Rukongai.

And today it had been the same. Kuchiki-taicho had this shadow in his eyes and his _reiatsu_ had been slightly different.

He had to make up to him.

Renji stood up straight and looked up at the swaying cherry-blossom tree and smiled.

Some minutes later, Renji left the Kuchiki manor under the curious gaze of the gardener and headed back to the 6th Division's barracks to his office.

When he reached the door, he was immediately overcome with the captain's _reiatsu_ and couldn't restrain a smile when he opened the door and met those metal grey eyes.

The noble looked back down at his paperwork.

"What are you doing here?" he asked coldly.

Renji walked past his desk and revealed from behind his back a vase filled with all kinds of wildflowers, mostly yellow and white daisies. From the corners of his eyes he saw his captain looking over at the bouquet he had brought.

"Taicho!" he turned around to face his captain and made a deep bow. "Please forgive my stupid ignorance and forgetting what this day means to you! I'm a total idiot!"

Byakuya let go of his paperwork turning all his attention to the hunched, crimson-haired man.

"This has nothing to do with you, so I cannot blame you!" he said simply.

Renji looked up at him with a deep frown shadowing his slated eyes.

"Taicho, of course it has to do with me! I… I know of this day. I've noticed… that at some day in spring, when the trees are fully blossomed you change, though it's only for a single day. I suspected that something was going on in your head that day, but I never really knew. Until… well, Rukia told me. When she found out from you about her sister, she told me some time. I'm really sorry for acting like this when you… ehm!"

"Mourn?"

Renji and Byakuya locked each other's gaze. Renji felt uncomfortable and Byakuya felt irritated for reasons he had yet to discover.

"Yes." Renji said in an undertone lowering his gaze.

Byakuya's head tilted upwards keeping his eyes on him.

"As said, this has nothing to do with you, so-!"

"But it has!" Renji insisted and blushed with shame for raising his voice to his captain. Byakuya narrowed his eyes. "I know that… I have no relation to Kuchiki Hisana-san, but… knowing what she means to Rukia and taicho I… can only feel obliged to show the proper respect and admiration towards her. She… must have been an amazing person!" Renji felt like smiling.

Byakuya furrowed his brows and stood up from his chair.

"And why's that? Rukia cannot have memories of her." Byakuya asked with curiosity eating him as he turned his back to his lieutenant to gaze outside the window.

"Well, you fell in love with her!" Renji said matter-of-factly, blushing a deeper red.

Byakuya looked at him over his shoulder. A chill run down his spine at the image of his lieutenant's face matching up his hair's colour.

"Taicho would only fall in love with an amazing person! One as perfect as him!" Renji rubbed his chin and chuckled nervously. "So… I shall no longer distract you today. I will take my work to my rooms and fill in those reports there. I… don't want to be in your way today, because I don't want you to kick me out! Not yet!" he chuckled shaking his broad shoulders and gave Byakuya a wide and sincere smile, one that made Byakuya's legs turn into rubber just like they had previously.

If Renji hadn't turned around to stuff his arms with his paperwork, he'd witness Byakuya showing real surprise on his face with a frown shadowing his eyes.

Renji walked to the door and, with one last glance at his captain, disappeared from his view.

Byakuya grabbed with his both hands the back of his chair as his eyes felt warm and blurred his fine handwriting over his reports…

The sky was tainted in pale shades of purple, blue and orange as the sun was slowly disappearing in the west and the birds were loudly bidding their farewell song to another day.

The cloak of night gradually shadowed everything from the east while Byakuya was checking for one last time the reports he'd have the next morning sent. His eyes darted towards the empty desk of his lieutenant's repeating over and over again their last exchange of words in his head.

Byakuya shivered and sighed realizing what kind of desire was itching him from within.

He placed the reports neatly in the upper drawer of his desk, grabbed his Zanpakuto and locked the office's door behind him making his way to his manor.

At the front door he was welcomed by Megumi, the maid, who prepared him tea as he headed towards his private rooms. He took off his _haori_ and folded it in his arms placing it on the low table. He sat on the futon on the tatami floor taking a deep breath and smelling the sweet odor of spring.

Curious, he turned around and furrowed his brows when he saw a vase with two slim branches of a cherry-blossom tree with bright pink blossoms decorating the small bedside table on which Hisana's portrait rested.

Byakuya crawled over and caught Abarai's faint _reiatsu_.

Once more, in a single day, Byakuya was taken aback by that man's actions.

Although he had worked for a long time as his lieutenant, Abarai Renji had never ceased to amaze and surprise Byakuya. Most of the times it was for no good, but those few good times Byakuya actually felt flattered for earning those gestures.

Abarai was a man who would not keep his true emotions hidden. When he felt angry he'd growl like a lion, when he was dissatisfied he'd try hard until he was pleased and when he was happy, he'd blush and he'd smile that smile that could soften the hardest and coldest heart. Unlike himself, Abarai had learnt from an early age to cope with everything by making his point clear. If he trusted someone and then got hurt, he would not tumble down. He'd fight in order to heal his dignity and he'd never accept anyone who'd look at him down.

The man with those fiery crimson hair owned an air of a powerful soul with a rough image that could offer protection with a simple glance of his, yet radiated a warmth and a friendly air. Byakuya had guessed that this was the reason his lieutenant was so popular among the Shinigami, were they male or female.

He could own anyone with a simple smile since it was contagious guaranteeing a smile on your face as well.

As a result, while staring at Hisana's portrait and her deep purple, sparkling eyes, he smiled remembering that her smile was the same as Abarai's. The same brilliance, the same magical effect…

But Hisana was long gone. She would no longer wait him by the pond with the _koi _fish when he'd return at night from the 6th Division's barracks. She would no longer be what he'd go home to…

For the first time in years, Byakuya let those burning tears escape the corners of his eyes…

The burning sensation in Renji's eyes though was due to him trying to read numerous reports in the demi-light of two candles.

He cursed under his breath and stood up to stretch his limbs. Writing down reports on the floor was indeed tiresome, so he walked outside at the gardens of 6th Division being showered by the luminescent silver glow of the half moon.

It was still warm as the earth beneath his feet radiated the heat it had gathered from the previous sunny spring day. Renji sighed and leaned his elbows over the banister of the veranda as he wondered, again, what Kuchiki-taicho might be doing.

He had sensed him departing from the office at sundown and grew anxious wondering if he'd have realized from whom those cherry-blossoms had come. Clenching his fists together, he hoped his captain would notice. He hoped that he had made things up.

The last thing he'd ever want was to become part of Kuchiki-taicho's black list, because it'd be the ultimate level of shame he'd ever feel.

Being considered a disgrace by the person you admire of all people, was utter defeat.

But Renji never focused on troubling matters too long. He'd simply find a way through it. And, since now it was Kuchiki-taicho's move, all he could do was wait for a new day to rise. So, he gave himself the permission to entertain himself with the image of a Kuchiki-taicho giving him a genuine smile the moment he'd enter the office and thank him for his sweet gesture… maybe he'd not draw away when Renji would touch his silk black hair, and he would melt at the very spot if Kuchiki-taicho would touch his long crimson ones… maybe then he'd also invite him to the Kuchiki manor and cook for him the food everyone said was one of a kind… just like Kuchiki Byakuya himself was…

One of a kind…


	3. Elegance and Roughness

"**What do you go home to?"**

**Chapter 3: Elegance and Roughness**

His footsteps were barely audible in the silence of the night under the rustling of the cherry-blossom trees and the screeches of bats soaring in the night sky under the dim silvery moonlight. His black uniform, absent of the white _haori_ of a captain blended effectively between the shadows of the buildings and the trees, while his _reiatsu_ was perfectly suppressed turning him invisible.

Byakuya was running with flash steps towards the barracks of 6th Division hoping it wasn't too late for what he was about to do.

After spending almost an hour in front of Hisana's portrait, brightened with the pink cherry blossoms his lieutenant had brought, he felt that he had to make it up to him. Earlier that day he had threatened to fire him from the lieutenant's seat, and now he felt ashamed for thinking this way.

Just because he had appeared late- which was not a first one- and acted in such a carefree way could not be enough to earn him the disrespect he had showed him.

His words had been cruel and harsh towards that sensitive man, and ever since that moment the desire that had been burning inside of him was the one of disrespect towards his subordinate, and not the opposite. For the first time he wanted to be the one to apologize, even if it was to an underling like Abarai, a former-beggar of the poorest neighbourhoods of Rukongai.

Not all souls were able to suppress and sometimes drown such flooding feelings like he was, and so had to be prepared to face the consequences of hurting another one with his cold distant and filled with superiority behavior.

Byakuya had visited Abarai's private rooms only twice in the past, during moments the latter had been seriously injured. But, even if he had no idea of where they were, he'd easily find them following that distinguishing warmth of his _reiatsu_.

To his surprise he found the door slid open and had to blink a couple of times to make out the silhouette of his lieutenant leaning against the wall inside the dark room.

Byakuya approached the open door feeling his face grow warm.

"Abarai?" he whispered, but the figure of the man didn't respond. His spiritual flow was steady and welcoming.

Byakuya took the liberty to enter the room and took off his sandals.

Kneeling beside his lieutenant he noticed that he was sleeping, his eyelids flickering in some, hopefully, happy dream.

Byakuya furrowed his brows at loss of what to do.

He scanned a round finding the reports the lieutenant had taken with him piled and, as he found out after shuffling through them, all filled up. A smile formed on his lips.

"Ta-taicho!" Abarai's hoarse voice echoed in a low tone.

Byakuya met the crimson-haired man's eyes letting him see the smile on his face. Abarai blinked and rubbed his eyes sitting up with a groan of discomfort.

"Don't you have a futon?" Byakuya asked and took the filled reports in his hands standing up.

"I… I fell asleep! I mean- yeah, I have one!" Renji was at loss of words since he had just woken up from the most beautiful dream with his captain starring when he was pulled back into the real world by the very man's _reiatsu_ and, on top of that, found him in his private rooms. Smiling.

Renji stood up as well straightening his uniform over his thighs.

"The reports are all filled. But the older ones, there might be mistakes. But I tried to-!"

"No worries. I trust you did a great job. I'll take a look tomorrow at the ones you're not sure of."

Renji raised an eyebrow since he was expecting perhaps a scold or even nothing but cold silence. But his captain's friendly support was the last thing he expected.

"Ehm-" he began and instantly blushed a deep red, wishing it was not that visible under the dim moonlight that managed to make its way into the room.

"Thank you, Abarai!" Byakuya said looking up into the taller man's eyes.

Renji blushed more and averted his gaze.

"For what? I was nothing but a pain in the ass today, so…!" Renji chuckled nervously blushing even more, if that was possible, when he noticed his captain's both corners of his lips curve.

"If you mean a bother, then, yes you've been. As you've been since your very first day in the 6th Division!" Byakuya said, his voice steady and deep. "But you realized your mistake and fixed it. And I am truly grateful to you, Abarai!"

Byakuya nodded and was about to walk away when Renji spoke.

"Taicho!" Byakuya looked at him over his shoulder. Renji sighed, his shoulders rising and sinking as he rubbed his chin nervously. "Thank you! It means a lot!"

Byakuya kept his eyes a little longer on him observing the lines on his strong neck and the little visible part of his collarbone from the v-shaped collar of his uniform covered by the dim moonlight. When his chocolate brown eyes found his, he missed a heartbeat. And, as if this was not enough, Renji gave him that smile as if he smiled all of himself which made Byakuya melt at the very spot.

The pile of reports was on the verge of falling from his numb arms as he did the mistake to concentrate into those gentle chocolate brown eyes.

Renji's brows lowered as if realizing the tension in the air between them and made a step closer.

Byakuya's lips parted seeking for fresh air to clear his mind, but instead was swept away by his lieutenant's warmth. When Renji made another step closer, Byakuya managed to draw his eyes away from his. But he had made the mistake to keep too long eye contact with him, revealing his weakness to him…

Renji advanced closer to his captain and raised his hand to touch those silky black hair with the silver glimmer of the moon upon them, but he stopped midway, his fingertips shaking only inches from those beautiful strands with Byakuya's back turned towards him.

He was breathing heavily sensing the flickering in Byakuya's _reiatsu_. For some reason it excited him.

"Taicho…" Renji whispered in a husky voice making Byakuya's shoulders stiffen and his fingers grasp the sides of the pile of reports.

"Good night Abarai!" Byakuya whispered wanting to leave, but being unable to. As if some _kidou_ had restraint him at the very spot.

He felt Renji approaching him until his body warmth soothed his back side while the night breeze cooled him from the front. Byakuya couldn't help but shut his eyes for a long moment in order to recollect himself.

"Please… stay!"

The words echoed like a spell that boosted up all the confidence he possessed, making Byakuya turn around and come face to face with a deeply blushed Renji. Their noses almost touched and Byakuya had to look up to meet those melting eyes. Both of their lips parted as they lost each other into each other's orbs; the elegant grey once, like the blade of a beautiful katana, and the luring brown ones, like deep dark amber.

"If I can make you smile, Kuchiki-taicho, please let me do so! And then you can dedicate it to this day which belongs to Kuchiki Hisana!" Renji whispered, his eyes looking once into his eyes and then down to his parted lips while his heart was drumming hard inside his head.

Byakuya tried to inhale but it felt difficult to when all he could smell was this man's scent.

"You can make me smile, Abarai… but, I could not dedicate it to her. I wouldn't!" he said and turned around in order not to face his lieutenant as he continued.

"Because it'd have nothing to do with her. _You _would be the one to make me smile. And I would only dedicate it… to you!" he said in an undertone. Silence drowned all and Byakuya turned around with furrowed brows wondering what was wrong. But the last thing he had expected was the reaction that followed.

Everything around him disappeared in an instant when two warm palms cupped his already burning cheeks and a pair of beautifully proportioned lips met his parted ones taking him into a world were nothing else existed but Renji and himself.

Byakuya tried to inhale being overflowed instantly with Renji's scent and at the same moment sucked in Renji's smooth and rough kiss inviting the crimson-haired one to proceed with the kiss. Renji's thumbs pressed against his cheekbones pulling closer to him while Byakuya struggled to take a breath and his fingers grabbed the pile of reports tight. For a split second Renji's lips left his, leaving him floating on air.

Byakuya met Renji's eyes that were sparkling with such intensity as if begging for more. This time Byakuya made the first move without a second thought, placing the reports clumsily on the tatami floor and, impatiently, meeting a surprised Renji and letting himself drift along with the torrent of all those arousing emotions until everything was drowned by lust.

This time their lips moved in concord seeking more and more from each other as though this was the only way for them to express those rushing waves of emotions taking over them; lips with lips, hands on skin, lips on skin…

Renji's hands trailed lower along the jaws and down his neck causing Byakuya the goose bumps while at the same time Byakuya felt the kiss deepen taking him higher up into another level.

His own hands found his long and soft hair and couldn't restrain a smile between the kiss as he brushed his slender fingers through the fiery strands. Renji smiled in response bringing his hands up into his silky black hair as well.

Byakuya closed his eyelids when he felt Renji's fingertips rubbing his skull and pulling his silky hair gingerly backwards. Byakuya let his head lean backwards as well, providing Renji the full view of his slender and pale neck. His fiery lips met Byakuya's skin causing him to let a low moan.

Renji inhaled deeply desiring nothing more than to stay here all night with his senses filled with his captain's scent and his ears listening to the noble's deep lustful voice. His lips, never leaving the cooler than his lips skin, whispered kisses one after the other on Byakuya's neck trailing further down until his met the fabric of his uniform. But even then, he didn't stop. Using the tip of his nose he dug under the collar to reach further down, there where if felt hotter.

Byakuya realized what his lieutenant was doing and cupped those bright red hair letting him pull his _kosode_ down to kiss more of him. Byakuya had no strength to protest. Besides he didn't really want this to stop.

If time could freeze forever, he wanted to stay here. In this time and place… with Abarai Renji touching him, breathing him in, wanting him… offering him the time of his life…

Byakuya touched Renji's chin when the crimson-haired man's lips had reached his chest. Renji's hazy eyes looked up at him as he straightened his back to meet Byakuya's furrowed gaze.

"Tai…-cho!" he sighed.

Byakuya sighed as well listening to the other man's heavy breathing. He stroked his tanned face, his jaw, his chin, his cheeks, the tribal tattoos above his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry!"

Byakuya furrowed his brows.

"You have been apologizing to me since this morning!"Byakuya began observing with a soft smile the details on the man's face. Having him so close felt suddenly so right. "Why?"

Renji's eyes left his for a split second.

"For a million reasons…"

"And why did you apologize now?" Byakuya asked with a serious expression.

Renji blushed avoiding eye contact.

"Why are you asking?" Renji sounded nervous.

"Tell me, Renji!"

Renji met Byakuya's eyes with a sparkle of surprise on his face hearing the noble call him for the first time by his first name.

"Why? I… you know perfectly well why I apologized!" Reji frowned with irritation and greater embarrassment.

Byakuya's serious expression didn't alter as his thumb rubbed the back of Renji's ear. Renji's lips parted after some moments.

"That means that you regret it?" Byakuya asked.

Renji flinched turning redder and hotter under Byakuya's touch. The one moment it felt as if he had absolute control over the noble and the next he felt as small and as weak as an ant.

"Stop with those embarrassing questions!" Renji was about to make a step back to give himself some fresh air to recompose himself, but Byakuya insisted.

The hand that had been rubbing the back of his ear pushed his face in order to make Renji look at him.

Renji's eyes widened with the sudden gesture, and widened more when he found such a luring depth in the noble's metal grey eyes that he couldn't look away knowing that the usually stoic man was about to share his deepest thoughts with him.

"You didn't just make me smile just now… Renji! You gave me reasons to smile for a long time from now! You gave me a reason to let my weaknesses show in plain view. You gave me a reason to let go of this tiring mask and a reason to… to talk openly!" Byakuya's eyes lowered.

"Taicho… you don't have to speak this way! It's ok-!"

Byakuya looked back up at him.

"No! Let me for once speak out loud!"

Renji flinched, but at once calmed down when Byakuya kissed him softly out of the blue. It was such a brief kiss and so sudden that held so many secrets in it which made Renji feel so responsible of the man who was his captain.

"I…" Byakuya began, but the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. He gritted his teeth, his lips burning from that fast kiss he had given him. "Abarai…"

Renji's hands touched Byakuya's shoulder blades.

"If I'm letting you speak this way then leave the formalities behind! It's Renji!" he said warmly.

Byakuya tightened his grip around Renji's sleeves.

"Renji…" Byakuya muttered with a deep tone. "I want you to… I-!"

"I will!" Renji spoke with a serious expression.

Byakuya looked up at him with widened eyes burning with up-coming tears. A frown formed on his pale forehead under silky strands.

Renji gave him a genuine smile and gently kissed him. But his kiss was not swift, nor filled with the passion that was still flaming him from the inside. Instead it was filled with all the respect, the compassion and love he nourished for that man.

Byakuya stood silent still tasting Renji's lips on his even when the latter had drawn away.

When he opened his eyes, Renji smiled a wide smile.

"Do you know… what I-?" Byakuya stuttered.

Although it looked cute the way Byakuya acted so vulnerable in his arms, Renji wanted the confident and powerful Byakuya back. So, reading through the noble's anxiety all he wanted was to make it easier to him. He wouldn't want this _thing_ to fall into pieces.

Finally he felt proud of his actions.

Renji nodded at Byakuya's question.

"Stay with me! And I'll prove it to you!" Renji whispered to him.

Byakuya's lips curved slowly.

Renji kissed him again, inhaling deeply the noble's intense scent. Byakuya wrapped his arms around him making the distance between them disappear into thin air. When their bodies touched, Renji and Byakuya paused in synchrony to take a breath and get a hold of this sudden feeling of uncontrollable flames inside of them.

Smiles formed on their lips and at once their kiss turned passionate as hands ran all over one another impatiently, fiercely. Renji's lips pressed firmly against Byakuya's, and Byakuya caressed the taller man's body, seeking hidden ways underneath his tightly wrapped _hakama_ and _kosode _while their breaths became more unsteady, heavier and their moans deeper and more frequent.

The chilly breeze had turned into steams of a hot spring and the shadows of two silhouettes blended effectively in the night.

The silence of the night was unable to drown the voices, but none of it mattered.

For once, things felt right and everything seemed to be in place because although they had been together for such a long time, Byakuya and Renji had finally discovered that what they wanted to go home to was Renji and Byakuya…

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you very much for reading :) Take care!<strong>


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